Brandelyn: Lyrical Contradiction

Yesterday, I finally got to the point where I was able to let go of something that I have been holding on to for a long time. A very long time. But eventually it boiled down to the fact that I love myself too much to keep trying to hold on to something that just doesn't want to be held. So I let it fly. Its funny because I had my box of Kleenex sitting next to my bag of cookies, but when it was all said and done, instead of feeling sad, I felt liberated and at total peace. Its crazy how when you are finally doing the what God has told you to do a LONG time ago, how easy it is. I think i feel really good because now I know that that situation was not for me and has been a hinderence for the situation that IS for me to come to pass. I have never been able to formulate my thoughts to define what Love is to me...but this poem is about the closest thing I could find...

Love Like by Shihan

I want a love like me thinking of you thinking of me thinking of you type love,
or me telling my friends more than I've ever admitted to myself about how I feel about you type love,
or hating how jealous you are, but loving how much you want me all to your self type love,
or seeing how your first name just sounds so good next to my last name,
and shit, I wanted to see how far I could get without calling you, and I barely made it out of my garage.
See, I want a love that makes me wait until she falls asleep then wonder if she's dreaming about us being in love type love,
or who loves the other more, or what she's doing at this exact moment,
or slow dancing in the middle of our apartment to the music of our hearts, closing my eyes and imagining how a love like this could just hurt so much when she's not there.
Shit, I love not knowing where this love is headed type love.
And check this, I want to place those little post-it notes all around the house so she never forgets how much I love her type love then not have enough ink in my pen to write all there is to love about her type love.
Hope that I make her feel as good as she makes me feel,I want her to distract me from whatever I'm doing type love
and I want to deal with my friends making fun of me the way I made fun of them when they went through the same kind of love type love.
Only difference is this is one of those real love type loves.
and just like in high school, I want to spend hours on the phone with her not saying shit,
then fall asleep and wake up with HER right next to me, and smell her all up in my covers type love
I want to try counting the ways I love her, and then lose count in the middle just so that I have to start all over again type love
I want to celebrate one of those month anniversaries even though they ain't really anniversaries, but doin' it just cause it makes her happy type love.
And I want to break down the time we spend together into seconds just so it sounds lilke we spend more time together type love
And check this, I want to fall in love with the melody the phone plays when her number is dialed into it type loves
and then talk to her until I lose my breath, she leaves me breathless, but with the expanding of my lungs I inhale all of her back into me I want a love that makes me need to change my cell phone calling plan to something that allows me to talk to her longer because, in all honesty, I want to avoid one of them high cell phone bill type loves.
I want a love that makes me regret how small my hands are I mean the lines on my palms don't give me enough time to love her as long as I'd like to type loves,
and I want a love that makes me st-st-st-st-stutter just thinking
about how strong this love is type love.
I want a love that makes me want to cut off all my hair...
Well, maybe not all of the hair
maybe just cut the split ends and trim my mustache,
but it will still be a symbol of how strong my love is for her.
And check this, I kinda feel comfortable now, so I can tell y'all this: I even be fantasizing about walking out on a green light just dying to get hit by a car just so I could lose my memory get transported to some third world country just to get treated then somehow meet up again with you so that I could fall in love with you in a different language to see if it still feels the same type love.
I want a love that's as unexplainable as she is, but I'm married, so she is going to be the one that I share this love with.

PEace Y'all