Brandelyn: Lyrical Contradiction

If you read my blog yesterday, I'm sure that you can gage that yesterday was a bad day. It all started when the cap to my brand new bottle of CD oil fell into my bathroom sink and subsequently blocked any water from going down the drain. I spent a good chunk of my morning trying to get it out to no avail. Unfortunately, it started a whole series of irritating events, however, God is faithful and when I asked for a better ending to my day, oh He gave it to me.

It all started with a phone call to my Rose. Once I got through the whining part of my day, she made a very simple suggestion; why not melt the cap down, so it will give me some room to get it out of the drain. In my mind, there was not a more brilliant solution to my problem. So I went home, changed into my favorite house dress, too off my earrings and stood in front of my bathroom sink. As I stood there, my mind began scanning my inventory of things to burn to melt the cap. Now as a side note, i have to say, that I was more than thrilled with the task at hand. I have always had slightly Pyro tendencies, tendencies that were curbed after the unfortunate incident of '85. But that is another story all together. ANyway, My first attempt to melt came with a stick if incense. I figured it would catch on fire and was long enough to get down in there and get to melting. I tried it, it caught on fire, but there was too much water down there, and thus, the flame went right out. So I figured I needed something a bit more substantial, so I tore apart the packaging from a tube of toothpaste and set it on fire. Unfortunately, the packaging was made mostly of plastic, so instead of catching on fire, it just melted. Fun to watch, but not useful right now. At this point I am standing in my hallway, trying to figure out what else I can use, when my eyes fall on my brand new box of tampons! BRILLIANT! I grab one and tear away the wrapper, and there in my hand is the answer to all of my problems. I light the tip on fire and nice little flame ensues. I stick it into the drain and it melts a little, but again, there is a little pocket of water that keeps putting out my flames. But wait! The tampon is rather absorbent, and does a great job of soaking up all of the access water that has until this point, thwarted my plans! HAHA!!! Now that the water is soaked up, I can burn whatever I need to burn. So I flip the Tampon around, light the other side on fire, but get back to melting. The top melted enough for me to pop it on its side, but it was still too big to get out of the drain hole. So I light the tampon on fire again, but it is just quite getting the flame I want, then a thought occurs to me. On each and every one of my CD perfume bottles it has the warning...Caution, Flamable...BRILLANT. I spray some of the Love spray onto the the tampon and light...the flame is great, i stick it back into the drain hole and the cap melts some, but not enough. THis time I douse the tampon with the Love spray and that things LIGHTS UP!!! I drop it in there and lo and behold, the cao melts away, and I can pull it out. And as an added bonus, my entire house now smells like love. SO not only did I achieve my goal, but I now have a great scent permeating my home...PLease do not knock the innovation....

*drops the mic....