Brandelyn: Lyrical Contradiction

    I have read and reread this article and have only been able to come up with one conclusion. THis man, or this type of man rather is not looking for a girlfriend, or a partner. He is looking for a sexier version of his mother. A woman who will cook, clean, provide comfort and support and not expect anything in return and be grateful for whatever she gets in return. Within his piece, there was a lot of a woman should cook, clean, sit, be pretty and let me do exactly and whatever I want to do and not complain about it, but in what world is woman really and truly going to allow her man to galavant for a month with no communication and still expect for there to be relationship?

There is a lot of talk about Black women being too independent and trying to take over the roles of men, but if you think about it, if men would step their game up, there would be no need for us to play both roles. I say this for all of the 20 something men who still live in their mother's house, for all of the men who themselves have never learned how to cook, to all of the men who do not know how to clean up after themselves and who continue to try and devalue the accomplishments of the women in their lives to attempt to cover the lack of accomplisment in their own lives.

When you are past a certain age, you should not live with 5 other guys in the Steven King version of a frat house. Women should not walk into your apartment and be scared to sit down because they feel that something just may bite them. Cereal is not a romantic meal, nor is it cute to call your house and ask your mother if you are available to talk. The question I am asking is when are men going to step up and be men?

In today's society, women are more often than not forced to be the backbone of any given situation. If a man is not ready to face a particular responsibility, for the sake of arguement, let's use the example of children, then he has the freedom to up and leave and the woman is then placed into the position of having to care for the responsibility that was created by two. But on the same token, men are very quick to say that Black women are too headstrong and dominant, but I ask you, how can you expect us to be anything else when we have been playing to role of man and woman for more years than we care to think about? Perhaps Black women would have more time to learn how to cook and cater to men, if we had the free time on our hands that they did, who's to say? One thing is for certain, we would not waste that free time with idle activities as men have a tendency to do. My question is, what was the last skill you picked up brothers, outside of the bedroom?

As Black people in this country, we have to fight for everything we have half of the time and then spend the other half of the time defending it amongst ourselves! I am one of the city girls he described because yes, I am accomplished, yes I am educated, yes I do handle my business and don't expect anything from anyone, but appreciate the help when it comes. What we often fail to understand is that relationships are NOT about domination and one upping each other. Relationships are about partnerships and complimenting each other. It seems to me that this man spends the bulk of his time hanging out with his boys, playing and watching games and continuing to cultivate his childhood. Come to think of it its no wonder he's looking for a mother! Women who are about something, the 'city girls' as he calls it are not looking to raise anymore children. We are looking for partners, equals, Men who will compliment who we are and who are strong enough to allow us to compliment them return. Its as simple as that.

So to answer the question, why don't black women have men, the answer is simple, a man is a rare and beautiful thing that is very hard to find. Once he is found, we will not hesitate to cook for him, care for him, give him the space he needs because he is doing the same for us in return. A 50/50 partnership. Now boys on the other hand, those come a dime a dozen, as we learn everyday as we go on about our days and are shamelessly approached by them. Perhaps before we go on attacking Black women, brothers should take a moment to evaluate their own situations and gleen ways to improve upon yourselves. You can't expect to get gold when you are working with a lump of coal yourself.

I'd like to end this with a poem by one of my favorite poets... Mayda Del Valle

We are not your mothers!
You have been weaned from the breast of a woman for years
Yet you come to us wounded and half filled with promises you can only keep half the time
Trying to suck a lost sense of self dry
We have become much too accustomed to sleepless nights and damp pillows
Have become much to accustomed to waiting for our empty beds to be weighed down with the bodys of men, heavy with the scent and the hands of other women
and we simply wanting to be loved and to love ourselves unconditionally
Simply wanting the truth of whether you can really love us or not.
Play Hester Prynne
Place scarlet letters on our chest
Become adulteresses, cheating ourselves out of what we truly deserve
Willing to settle for less
Willing to act like a little less then a goddess
Willing to sleep with the enemy
Men too scared to stop acting like boys, thinking we can love away their scars
So we take the lashes of their insecurities they pour on us
And lick our wounds in quiet mourning for the little girls that we lose by the minute.

Part 2
you said you had a photographic memory.
But apparently you forgot that honesty begins by being real with yourself and the ones you claim you love
The truth cannot be hidden
Whats clouded in darkness will always come to light my love.
You should have known that,
claiming you saw my light so clearly and brightly
I guess *bleep* happens
I just wish it wasnt me
And I guess its so much better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all
I know thats some easy *bleep* to say but Im still gonna try to live by it
Im still gonna try to put my faith to rest in it
I will sleep on dry pillows now in a bed big enough to love myself in.
I will awake these coming mornings with my eyes dry and shiny, full of the knowledge
I am priceless and worth nothing but honesty
I will remove this scarlet letter from my chest
And take the hand of the little girl I used to be and say Im sorry to her
Im sorry for cheating you out of the joy you have always deserved
And I will wait for a man to come along that can give me the truth of how much he can really love me

Peace Y'all

B