Brandelyn: Lyrical Contradiction

            Antarctica: Apparently I have been living in Antarctica and didn’t know it. Saturday night was a record 20 something degrees here in good ol’ Berkeley. Sunday was slightly colder. When I woke up this morning in my apartment, there was snow on my windows, icicles dangling from my doorway and I could see my breath when I spoke, and I promise you I saw a penguin roll by with a sweater on. Oh and let me mention that this was all going on INSIDE of my apartment. Last year my PG&E bill was 200 + a month due to my excessive use of my gas heater. This year I decided to be smart and simply use the oven as my heater. It worked for a while, but when I have to leave the oven on ALL DAY just to be able to wear one sweatshirt instead of two, I have to go ahead and accept that this heating method is not effective. This morning I woke up and was in pain from the cold. I had on a thick sweatshirt, long sleeved shirt, tank top, boxers, sweatpants, thick socks, sheets, two comforters and my bear and was still too cold to actually get out of bed. The sad thing is that I am rarely home, so when I do come home it is freezing and by time the place gets warmed up, I’m heading for bed. To further explain the severity of this situation I am hereby making this declaration, *deep breath….for the month of January, I will be using my monthly stipend that is allocated toward the purchase of Carol’s Daughter products and the like and will be applying said funds to the Gas portion of my Gas and Electric bills. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I can’t be cute if I’m cold. I’m just sayin’…

            AC Transit: Its been a while since I have had an adventure on the AC Transit, but never fear…the tomfoolery is back. Friday night I was on my way to Downtown Berkeley to meet up with my girl. I hop on the bus which came right on time…sadly an indication that tomfoolery lay ahead. I was not wrong. A few stops past mine, we pull up to a stop where a woman in a motorized scooter is waiting. The driver pulls up, lets the ramp out and…we sit there…and wait. The woman in the scooter has not moved an inch as she is engrossed in a very important conversation…with herself. Seeing that passenger is not interested, the driver proceeds to reel in the ramp. At this point the passenger snaps her head around and snarls at the driver… “I’m getting on the bus.” The bus driver, literally bits her lip and lets the ramp back out. The passenger at this point takes 3 minutes to wheel herself backward, then forward to position herself on the ramp. The driver lifts her up, she slowly and I mean painfully slowly wheels herself into the aisle where she proceeds to sit perfectly still. The driver pulls the ramp back in and sits down in her chair, watching the woman. After 2 minutes the woman speaks and tells the driver that she needs the other side to be lifted. The driver lifts the side and the woman begins the task of turning herself around. She pauses mid turn and says “You damn Californians, all you do is stare at people. I wish I was back in New York. Haven’t you seen anyone in a wheel chair before.” A voice from the back responds “We’ve seen wheelchairs before but we are wondering why you are moving so damn slow.” The woman looks into the direction of the voice and sees a very large black woman staring right back at her. She returned to her task of turning around. After another 3 minutes and with direction from the driver, the woman is finally strapped in and we’re off. As soon as the driver took off, the woman in the scooter flew forward and then flew backward as the driver stopped. The driver turns and asks her what the problem is, at which point she informs all of us that her scooter does not have brakes. The look on the bus drivers face was beyond description, but I’m pretty sure she wanted to cuss her out. We pull up to the next stop and the driver secures her with “all of the available safety measures” and the woman is still be tossed to and fro. The Driver tells her “If I had known that you didn’t have brakes I would not have let you on.” The woman says “I know, that’s why I didn’t tell you.” I got off of the bus at the next stop and walked the rest of the way. All of that was too much for me to deal with at the end of the week! No Tanto Mucho!

            The Doing Too Much Award: This month’s Doing Too Much Award goes to Reality Television. Like everything in life, you have to know when to stop. Last night I saw a commercial for a new reality series where celebrities go to a police academy and are trained and certified to be police officers. The celebrity panel includes LaToya Jackson, you know what I’ll just stop there. LaToya is enough. You know you have hit rock bottom when this is what you are coming up with. It is truly no wonder why show’s like Grey’s Anatomy and all of the CSI’s  are so popular, and shows like Real World and Top Model are slowly but surely losing their following. America is craving intelligence in their television experience. So Reality Television, you are officially Doing Too Much…I’m just sayin’

Peace Y’all
B