Brandelyn: Lyrical Contradiction

One thing a lot of people don’t know about is that I have a tendency to be very shy. I know it seems crazy, especially if you know my personality at all, but when it comes to certain things like networking, or business, I get shy. Writing is a very solitary profession. It is just me, my thoughts and my laptop for hours on end working until my eyes start to blur and my wrists start to burn slightly from rubbing against the keyboard. This is my world and I love it. However, when the time comes for me to take off my artist hat and put on my business woman hat, it takes some time to get used to the new feeling.

The last few weeks have found me doing everything except standing comfortably inside of my comfort zone. U.G.L.Y. is my third book, but in so many ways it feels like my first. This is the first book I have truly worked to promote my work and the process has been scary, amazing, fun and of course a learning experience. It began with my reading at Mills College. When I wrote the first line of U.G.L.Y., I wrote it with the intention to shock, disturb and instantly transport you into the pain, shock and discomfort that Blair was feeling. My intentions have been successful, but I never thought about having to say that line out loud at readings and signings.

As I prepared for the Mills College event, I searched high and low through the book for a piece to read that could have the impact I wanted, but it didn’t happen. I knew that I was going to have to read the prologue and most importantly, the first line. I know it’s not that big a deal, but that is not something I would feel comfortable saying in front of my pastor, so what can I do? With much coaxing from my friends and pushing from myself, I got up in front of the crowd at Mills and read it. It was really crazy because the moment I said it, I felt this wave of emotion come over me. I felt like I was transported into the world of the character and I could feel the emotion she felt as that was said to her. The reading went extremely well and I was extremely proud of myself for getting through it!

The night before last I had the honor of meeting Ms. Susan L. Taylor, Editor in Chief Emeritus for Essence Magazine. I have been following her work for years and her In the Spirit Column is the reason why I subscribed to the magazine! Her thoughts have always caused me to take a minute, calm down and reevaluate whatever was causing me to lose sleep at night. Meeting her was such a treat because she is so down to earth and sweet. I loved everything she had to say, but when it came to getting my face to face time with her, I almost froze. I knew that this was my chance, my one opportunity to give her a copy of my novel and once again overcome my fears. I was shaking like an absolute leaf and hindsight I realize that it was because a part of me still does not feel worthy, or good enough to share my work with people, but I knew I had to do it. Insecurity lives in all of us, but so does a will to look past that and fight for what you want. So, I faced Susan L. Taylor, got her to sign my book, gave her a copy of my book and walked away feel triumphant. Another comfort zone hurdle shut down!

Yesterday was the Mayor Dellums Summit on Women and the ultimate hurdle came when I had to not only network, but also tell people over and over about my book. You would be amazed at how difficult it is to summarize your 388 page book into two sentences! Thankfully my friend Rhonda was there with me and came up with the PERFECT mini synopsis of the book. LOL! I met a lot of really amazing people and shook every hand, gathered every business card and handed out every book I could because this shyness is not going to defeat me!!

I am learning and growing with each event. I am learning to allow the God in me to shine and conquer my fears. This of course is not to say that it will be easy by any stretch. But my prayer is that with all of this growth, the next time I am face to face with Alice Walker, I will not shy away, but look her in the face, smile and introduce myself. But again, life is about taking things one step at a time.