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October 27, 2009

Joy

Every poem has a song to sing

A thought to dream

A memory to wish through and share

 

Every moment has a hope to bring

Lyrics to repeat

Melodies to sync

 

And I wonder

How I survived this long

Without hearing the twists

And turns

And whispers of this song

Its love

 

Pouring down over me

Adjusting the way I breathe

Shaping forth the moments

When voices lived in joy

 

So I choose

To breathe it in

Suck it into my pours and laugh

Relax both shoulders

Bend both knees

Stretch out my back and live

 

Today I choose

 

Joy

 


© Brandelyn N. Castine 2009

 

 

Joy

 

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October 26, 2009

Me

Head Shot

 

Stretch me out

Smooth over the edges

I’m free

Inside of the outside

Speaking the language of love

Missing the steps

Constructed past dreams

I can believe in

Me

My dreams

My destiny

My love

Because its mine

It belongs to me

It is what forces me to breathe

It is my reason for being

I am free

Free to love

Free to dream

Free to be

Because it is mine

And it belongs to me

I can cry and be free

I can laugh and be free

I can love and be free

I can paint I can dance I can sing and be

Me

Igniting all that is lovely

YES!!!!

Finally I can scream it

WHO I AM

IS

ME

Lovely

Open

Breathing

Me

Me

Me

Me

 

 
© Brandelyn N. Castine 2009

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October 25, 2009

Peace of Mind

            July 18th, 2009 brought about my 30th birthday. A lot of my friends kept telling me that 30 was the new 20 and could not understand why I was not freaked out about turning the big 3-0. The truth is, I was eagerly anticipating the new decade. I was always quick to say that I didn’t want 30 to be the new 20 because the original 20’s were tough enough and I have no intention of going through that again. LOL! The but truth is, I stood facing this transition with opening arms, ready to embark on this new change.

            Lately I have been thinking a lot about words and how powerful they are. As a kid I was often teased and made fun because of my weight. This pattern continued on through high school and by time I reached adulthood I was so insecure and unsure of myself that it was nearly impossible for me to see myself as anything other than a rejected fat girl who was not the smartest, who was not the brightest and who would probably never get married and have kids because I was not good enough. I would constantly beat myself up and would rarely allow myself to truly think of myself as good enough for anything good. It was really interesting because for most of my life, any time anything good happened, I would always secretly lie in wait for the ball to drop and for that good thing to be taken away from me because I was not good enough to deserve this good thing.

            Of course now in hindsight this sound ridiculous, but this was how I thought about myself for years and years all because of the words people around me constantly threw at me. The other night I was spending some time in prayer and a very simply thought came to my mind: But what does God call me? I have spent so many years worrying about other people and their opinions that I have stopped thinking about what my creator thinks about me. Suddenly I started to think about all of the promises God has whispered to me in my dreams and I began to think about all of the words God says when He looks at me. Precious, anointed, talented, beautiful, one of a kind, able, ready. Every single one of these words was meant to remind me of who I truly am. I have learned that most times people who spend their days talking negatively about other people are often completely dissatisfied with themselves and need to make someone else feel bad to make themselves feel better. It’s a sad thing if you think about it, but it makes sense.

            In all of my 30 years of living, I have learned to do whatever it takes to brush off the opinions of people and remember what God has to say. There are some days when the pressure is too much, but in those times it is important to find some way to remember the positives; to bring your mind back into focus and keep the truth in mind. It’s a constant battle but once you have the right ammunition you will be able to fight as long and as hard as necessary to win the ultimate battle which learning to love yourself no matter what and obtaining a steady and necessary peace of mind.

 

Peace Y’all

 

B

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October 24, 2009

Breathe Today

Breathe Today

 

Today was a day where I just went where the wind blew. I woke up well into the morning, cleaned my apartment, caught up with some friends and family, had a fantastic time in my devotion and prayer time, watched Ugly Betty and now I am at starbucks knocking out some writing. Yes, today has been a really good day.

            As I was walking to starbucks I was holding a letter from my little “sister” excited to have an actual letter in my hand. I really want to bring that back. Emails are good for business, but it says a lot when someone takes some time out to sit down and write a letter. And it feels really good to get mail that is not bills or Netflix. LOL. But seriously, the letter was really sweet and when I looked up from reading, yes I was reading and walking at the same time, I had to pause for a moment and take in the sky. Today is a perfect 75 degrees, the sky is perfectly blue without a cloud anywhere. There is a slight breeze keeping it from being hot and it is on these days that it feels amazing to be alive.

            After the motional highs and lows I have been dealing with in the last week, it truly makes me appreciate these moments of just feeling good. There isn’t anything extraordinary going on, but its for that reason that I need to enjoy these moments and just feel good. I am going to spend today with my love, the written word and see what happens. I think might treat myself to dinner tonight, who knows. We will have to see how everything goes. =D That is the beauty of life, it can take you anywhere at any moment and its important to be prepared to flow when the wind blows.

            I want to encourage you to take just a second today and breathe, look around you and find something to appreciate about where you are. I truly, TRULY thank God for allowing me to take a moment to breathe, regroup, get back to what’s important and simply enjoy this day.

 

Peace Y’all

B

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October 23, 2009

Beautiful U.G.L.Y. Project Volume 2

New Post on the Young Writers Block! Support the movement!!

http://youngwritersblock.org/2009/10/the-beautiful-u-g-l-y-project-volume-2/

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October 22, 2009

I choose

“And I choose to be the best that I can be.
I choose to be authentic in everything I do.
My past don't dictate who I am. I choose.”

India.Arie

 

This morning as I was walking to work, I Choose by India.Arie came on my Ipod and I suppose I needed to hear it right then, because suddenly the song made so much sense. I have the choice to dictate who I am and what I do. The line that got me the most was the line about being authentic in everything I do…I had to pause and think about that for a second. What does that mean to me?

With my writing, I have stopped trying to force it. One thing Paulo, (yes we are on a first name basis now LOL) said in an interview was that he always writes first and foremost for himself. I am learning to master that art. I have written TONS of stories and poems, notes, ideas, etc, that are for my eyes only and may a few that are for my inner inner circle because I was afraid of what people would think. But I choose to stop over thinking and let it flow. I will write for my own peace of mind and serenity and stop living in fear of rejection or being afraid of what people will think of my work. As long as I am free to continue working and doing what I love, that is really the only point.

In my daily living, I have to stop trying to force it. When I am getting dressed I always fret (yes, Fret) about how things will look or how things fit, not whether or not I am comfortable, but what will get attention, or what will keep me from getting any attention at all. I have to stop doing that. I have been doing much better, MUCH better at appreciating myself and loving all that is Brandelyn and just not worrying about other people and what they think. I want to walk out of my house feeling like a queen, even it there is a hurricane outside and shenanigans are going on around me, my goal is just do me. I have given too much weight to people and their opinions and the time has come to stop.

I decided to delete my facebook account because I was just tired of the gossip and opinions and negativity. I know that as an author who is promoting a book, I realize that may have not been the best move, but for my sanity and serenity, it was necessary.

I am learning to breathe. Enjoy these precious moments of solitude and spend quality time with my husband Jesus and allow Him to identify me and teach me about who I really am. This time in the wilderness is turning out to be a true blessing and I love it. So yes, today I choose, to be authentic in everything I do. I choose to be courageous in everything I do. The time has come for me to walk, bask, bathe, soak in that light God sees in me and believe that I can see it too. I’m excited to have my joy back. The last couple of days were rough, but necessary for my growth. So today I ask, what do you choose to do?

 

Peace Y’all

B

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October 15, 2009

Bending to Grow



Four years ago, I started working on a novel about two characters named Phaidra and Donavon. For some reason, these two characters made me fall in love with them and I have been completely unable to let them go. The problem was, no matter how hard I tried, I have never been able to get their story off the ground. For the last few years I have found myself constantly trying different angles, different ideas, anything I could think of to make the story flow, but nothing worked.

The other morning I was reading a short book by my literary grandfather, Paulo Coehlo. The following words completely resonated in my heart and I knew that it was time to make some changes…

“There are two types of shot.
The first is the shot made with great precision, but without any soul. In this case, although the archer may have a great mastery of technique, he has concentrated solely on the target and because of this he has not evolved, he has become stale, he has not managed to grow, and, one day, he will abandon the way of the bow because he finds that everything has become mere routine.

The second type of shot is the one made with the soul. When the intention of the archer is transformed into the flight of the arrow, his hand opens at the right moment, the sound of the string makes the birds sing, and the gesture of shooting something over a distance provokes - paradoxically enough – a return to and an encounter with oneself.”

Paulo Coehlo The way of the Bow

Like I said, these words really spoke to me and placed an uncomfortable mirror in front of my face. Truth be told, I could simply write this story. Force my way through it, make these characters come to life whether they wanted to or not. I could tell a mediocre story, but fulfill my overweening desire to just get work out there! But I would be like the person he described taking the first shot. There would be no passion it. I would be doing it simply because I can, because I’m expected to, because I have done it before.

But, that is not what I am about. I am defined by my art. I am defined by my ability to create and think, breathe and move outside of the box. I never want to be mediocre or ordinary. Reading this I have realized that over the past year I have become more interested in the industry side of writing and been completely neglectful of the actual art. I am being told to keep my name out there so people don’t forget, push myself and wear the story out thin, whatever it takes as long as people don’t forget. I have been so anxious to get some more work underway, push, push, push a new book into the works so my readers won’t lose interest, heaven forbid a couple of years to by with that new hot book by Brandelyn N. Castine! I have been a little overwhelmed by the pressure and in all of that I have forgotten about the thing that I have always prided myself on; integrity.

Whatever comes next, I want it to be something from my soul. I am going to take some time, read, develop my self as an observer and an artist and allow my mind the freedom to roam. I want to write about something that will challenge me as well as my readers. I want to write this next novel with the same amount of intensity and passion as I did with U.G.L.Y. Reading the way of the bow taught me that it is okay to bend. Sometimes bending and getting out of your own way is the only way you will learn to grow. Now, for the first time in a long time, I am truly excited.

Peace Y’all
B

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October 14, 2009

Lavender rain drops

 

I am the lady with the lavender eyes
seeing life through the sound of color
creating moments
embracing the confines of the sky
Slow life
Sunrise
Moments melt into memories
Eyelashes flutter through insecurities
I breathe
Constantly renewing
Refreshing
Rebuilding
Rebooting
Walking without purpose toward my destiny
Embracing consequences
Releasing inhibitions
Lavender raindrops lace my tongue
Forcing me to sing out melodies written in stone
This moment was created with me in mind
So I will stretch myself thin
And cover every inch of it I can
Knowing that each note that passes my lips
Will search and rescue and find
The definition of me
 
 

© Brandelyn N. Castine 2009
Breathe out the chaos and speak life...

Posted by Brandelyn at 03:50 PM | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

October 07, 2009

The Quality of Life...


 
 
This morning, Paulo Coehlo, one of my all time favorite authors in life, posted a blog asking people how they would improve the quality of their lives. That struck me as a very interesting question. What are five things that I would do to improve the quality of my life?

1. I would paint more. Most of the time, I paint to release the anxiety and stress that has been building up. Perhaps if I spent time drawing and painting more regularly, I wouldn’t need it as an escape like I do now. I feel so good when I do it, I would probably make me even more balanced and happy.
2. I would truly take more time out for my loved ones. I have noticed that I am caught up in my life. I don’t have time to return calls, or keep commitments, or honestly sit down with MY people and see how they are doing. One of my biggest fears in life is for something to happen to someone I truly hold dear and I never took the time to tell them how I feel about them. Besides, the people in my inner circle are just fun to be around and it is always a good time.
3. I would laugh more. Recently, I have gone weeks and weeks without laughing and that is not good. I’m not talking about a nice chuckle, or a hearty smirk, but I’m talking about a deep down, from the soul kind of laugh. The kind that produces tears and almost insights an asthma attack. Yes. It’s been a while. Generally this kind of laughter occurs around my inner circle, so 2 and 3 technically tie in to each other.
4. I would eat less sugar. I am a sugar fanatic. It’s really pretty terrible. It is my vice and if I could gain the self control to just walk away, I know that the pretty healthy lifestyle I live would definitely have more of an impact.
5. I would take full advantage of the bay. Oakland and San Francisco are pretty amazing places to live. There is always something interesting going, some new restaurant, some film festival, or art exhibit and I need to take more advantage of that. I know that I always feel amazing and inspired after spending a day in a museum and I should try to embrace that feeling more often.
6. I want to add a bonus one and say that I would be more free. I would do everything in my power not to worry about people and their opinions and their thoughts about who I am and what I am doing. I would wear my hair big, throw on my favorite cowboy boots, and fill up any room I’m in with the scent of carol’s daughter without worrying about opinions. I hold back a lot with my art and my writing and my gifts because honestly I don’t want to deal with the opinions of others. I would live for each moment, listen to Rahsaan Patterson on repeat and LIVE!!!! Man…I really need to create this life for myself.

I would love to hear how you would improve your life. I am feeling really full today, blessed, happy, excited about this day. I didn’t have to wake up this morning, so because I did, I want to take advantage, stretch myself and Live HIGH!

"Those who dare having a project in life, foregoing everything to live their Personal Legend, will end up achieving anything. The important thing is to keep the fire in your heart and be strong to overcome hard moments.

Remember, the desires that are in our souls do not come from the nothingness; someone put them there. And this someone, who is pure love and only wishes our happiness, only did it because he gave us, together with these desires, the tools to make them happen."

Paulo Coehlo

Peace Y’all
B

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October 01, 2009

Life is Better...Now that...now that I've found you...

I feel like I have gotten my second wind. It is a beautiful feeling to actually want to live. I have been making it a point over the last week, to dedicate myself to work. And of course by work I mean my art and not my job. I want to make that distinction, don’t get it twisted. LOL! But this week, I have been making a conscious effort to take my free moments during my lunch break, or after work, or even sometimes in the morning to truly be an artist. On Tuesday, I went straight home from work, pulled my hair back into a ponytail and got to work on a painting. It felt good to start from scratch, to watch the picture take form and to see my initial idea literally blend into something else. I’m not quite finished with it yet, but I love the way its going so far, so yay!

Yesterday during my lunch break, I went to a little café by my job, ordered an Apricot Escape tea and sat down outside in the breeze and wrote. I am taking a stab at writing a short story, and it was so refreshing, drinking the tea, being kissed by the wind, teased by the sunshine, and writing down the story that was unfolding in my head. I am going to spend my lunch today in the same way, and tonight I plan to finish that painting. I realize that I feel my most balanced when I sacrifice my so called free time, and paint, dance, write, sing, breathe it away. I have this incredible desire to LIVE. I don’t want to waste any moments, every minute is precious and LIVE…

I’ve been playing a song over and over on my Itunes, because it makes me feel good. I would like to dedicate this to the love of my life. My art.

 

Peace Y’all…

B

 

 

Life is Better

Q-Tip featuring Norah Jones

The Renaissance

 

Life’s filled with pain

But now the clouds come in

Leaves fall away

Hip Hop is playing again

Is playing tunes

No banging for you

Don’t stop this feel I feel

I just want to know that all day I feel the breeze

I’m so into your rich history

Tell me stories that take me away

Come take me (Ohhh, ohhhh)

Come take me with you

 

Life is, better, now that, now that I found you (repeats)

 

One step at a time, a man walked on the moon

One record got played, two hooks and boom

One really young man your time comes soon

We rating, it was about the size you loom

We bang our drums in the misconstrued sound

We restless and we’re taking over your town

Hand second, is protecting all this vibe that I’m getting

Playlist setting:

Cold Crush, Furious Five, and a Master God

Cosmic Force Bammbaataa and every part of

Bug Starsky, June Bug, Busy Bee

Run, DJ, LL, Kane, Biz Markie

Doug E, Will, Barry B, Spoonie, Silly D

Rakim, BDP, Dana Dane, Ricky D

Leaders of the New School, Snoop Dogg, Monie Love

Big and Pac are up above

Easy E and Bone Thugs

Fat and Skinny Boys, Cash Money and the rapper Nas

Large Professor, Lauryn, Wy Clef, and Pras

Brand Nubian, Diamond D, Ludicris and Jay

RIP, MC, Common, Lil Wayne, and Yay

Primo, Outkast, where my Ni—a Dilla at

SV … where my ni—a Dilla at

And when you look into my eyes, It makes all these feelings rise

Makes my space a better place, Can’t you see it in my face

 

Life is, better, now that, now that I found you (repeats)

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ogoMM5eCdGw

 

 

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