Brandelyn: Lyrical Contradiction

Happy new Year everyone! Let's live it up!

 Right as Rain: Adele

Who wants to be right as rain
It's better
When something is wrong
You get excitement in your bones
And everything you do's a game
When night comes
And you're all on your own
You can say I chose to be alone
Who wants to be right as rain
It's harder when you're on top.

Cause when hard work
Don't pay off
And I'm tired there aint no room in my bed
As far as I'm concerned so
Wipe that dirty smile off we
Won't be making up I've cried my heart out
And now
I've had enough of love

Who wants to be riding high
When you'll just crumble
Back on down
You give up everything you are
And even then you don't get far
They make believe that everything
Is exactly what it seems
But at least
When you're at your worst
You know how to feel things.

See when hard work don't pay off
And I'm tired there ain't no room in my bed
As far as I'm concerned so
Wipe that dirty smile off we
Won't be making up
I've cried my heart out
And now
I've had enough of love

Go ahead and still my heart
To make me cry again
Cause it will never hurt
As much as it did then when
We were both right
And no one had blame
But now I give up
On this endless game.

Cause who wants to be right as rain
It's better
When something is wrong
I get excitement
In my bones
Even though
Everything's a strain
When night comes
And I'm on my own
You should know I
Chose to be alone
So who wants to be
Right as rain
It's harder
When you're on top

Cause when hard work
Don't pay off
And I'm tired there ain't no room in my bed
As far as I'm concerned so
Wipe that dirty smile off we
Won`t be making up
I`ve cried my heart out
And now
I've had enough of

No room in my bed
As far as I'm concerned so
Wipe that dirty smile off we
Won`t be making up
I`ve cried my heart out
And now
I've had enough of love

Posted by Brandelyn at 06:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

The Anti-resolution

I have never been a fan of resolutions. I have always felt that they put unnecessary pressure on you and added guilt which is totally unnecessary. So I want to write about things that I did right in 2009 that I want to continue and enhance in 2010.

1. My mission for self discovery: I have learned so much about myself as a woman and most importantly as an artist. I have come to acknowledge that I am truly an artist, for whatever that is worth. So I am going to continue to explore, examine and appreciate all of my emotions, questions, confusions, doubts and translate them into art. I will continue to embrace whatever I am feeling and allow that to become something tangible that will one day become my legacy.
2. Appreciating my inner and outer beauty: I feel like I have gotten the upper hand with the low self esteem demon and have learned to accept and appreciate myself for who and what I am and for what I look like. I have come to accept and appreciate my size, my curves, my hair, my lips, my eyes, my ankles, all of the things I used to get teased and talked about, now, I love them. I love all of the things about me that make me unique and every moment I have to glow in my skin. I like me, and I am going to continue to love and appreciate who I am.
3. Relationship building: I have been blessed with some amazing people/family. Discovering new relatives that push and encourage, motivate, inspire and challenge who I am. People who won’t accept my habit of running for cover when things get bad or scary, who will chase me down when I try to hide and get in my face until I finally break down and talk about what’s really going on. People who care. My uncle called me his daughter in front of a room full of people during thanksgiving and I started to cry because that was the first time I have ever heard a man call me that. I love him for that and I am grateful that I got the chance to tell him that. I have friends that keep me balanced and make me laugh until I cry. I will continue to make the changes in me that will allow me to continue to grow and appreciate those relationships.
4. Artistic development: I remember the day I told my friend that I was not a poet and I could never write a poem. Ever. I remember the semester I took an art class at my community college for my art requirement and I almost failed because quite honestly, I was terrible at it. I remember the day I almost left UC Berkeley because I was told that I did not have the writing skill necessary to graduate from Cal with a degree in English and I needed to find a new major. I have learned how to reject the ideas and standards of people who simply don’t get it. Thank God I did! I never would have discovered my life’s purpose, my dream, my hope, my reason for getting up every morning if I had listened to people who were unsatisfied with their lives. I have learned to think for myself. To surround myself with like minded individuals who breathe color and creativity. I take criticism for what is, take what I need, leave behind what I don’t and keep moving from there. I will continue to grow, live and breathe, for me.

I think the bottom line is that in 2010, I promise to continue using what works, move away from the situations, relationships and circumstances that didn’t. I promise to be okay with who I am and what I am about. I promise to laugh more and bask in the dark blue times and write, paint, sing, or dance my way out of it. I will continue to allow artists like Alice Walker, Paulo Coehlo, Georgia Anne Muldrow, Rahsaan Patterson, Adele, Alvin Ailey, Noah D. James, Justin Sharlman, Frida Kahlo, And Nican Robinson to continue to inspire me. There is so much beauty in the world and I promise in 2010 to live. To move forward with my eyes wide open and regain my consciousness. I am excited about the things to come. I love the promise of a new year, a fresh start. So I will continue down the path I have been on, and keep my eyes open for new avenues to travel down. Happy New Year every one. Let’s make this one even more beautiful then the past.

Peace Y’all

B

Posted by Brandelyn at 09:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

December 26, 2009

“Avoiding depression with massive daily doses of television programs.” Paulo Coehlo

I’ve been doing this for the last couple of days, allowing the voices and mindless dribble of fictitious characters to drown out the voices in my head. Avoiding the questions and the clarity, allowing my mind to pause from its daily work out and just be. If I were to take a moment to be honest with myself, I would say that a lot of the time I don’t even understand myself and I get frustrated because I desperately sift through my relationships searching for someone else who can decipher the clues.

Sometimes I beat myself up for not having a smile on my face. When I don’t smile, or can’t feel that moonbeam of joy from somewhere deep within I feel guilty because I have this image to protect, these poems to write and these moments to live to inspire and encourage someone else. But sometimes I just don’t feel like it.

Sometimes I feel the need to explain my thoughts, really try to break them down, even when they don’t make sense to me, hoping that if I talk enough, somehow, some way they will make sense. But people don’t always understand that. I don’t talk to hear myself talking, I talk because I need to work some things out and my laptop can’t always provide answers so I reach, hoping that someone will be able to help me make sense of all of this.

Sometimes I think about how fragile life is, and how we only have this very moment we are living in and how desperate I am to truly show the people in my world how much they mean to me because this could be the last second we have to share. A lot of people don’t get that. They hear me say I love you and it is met with an immediate mimic of the words, but they don’t hear what I’m saying. I’m saying, you mean the world to me. I appreciate having you in my life. I would do anything for you because… I love you. So I’ve decided to stop saying it. I will let my actions speak for themselves until the words have meaning again.

Sometimes I believe in people and sometimes I regret letting people get close to me. I despise being vulnerable and I underestimate the power of having people look at me and just know what is going to come out of my mouth next. I realize that I am becoming slightly antisocial. I prefer one on one, or small group outings where people can talk to each other. I don’t do well in big groups, never have. I wonder what that means.

I know that I will snap out of this moment. I have to experience this so I can grow and grow up. To be able to appreciate the sunshine when it comes. Sometimes I just need to breathe, accept how I am feeling and move forward. I need to accept that it is okay to feel this way. That it is okay to wrap myself in shrouds of blue, because I know that I have the power to take it off. Shake loose my hair and smile.

Writing is my peace. Even as I get the darkness of some of these thoughts onto the page, I feel my blue shroud beginning to unravel. Today I feel like surrounding myself with music. Music that moves and moves me. I will leave the tv off, step away from the couch and breathe. Another piece of my shroud just dropped to the floor and I feel like a smile is on the horizon.

Today I will get back to my first love, my passion, my purpose, my calling. Novel number 4 is going to come out of this. This quiet time I have been blessed with, this separation from the rest of the world which is necessary for me to have. I am choosing to write. Breathe life onto the page and allow my mind to flow through the greater good. Maybe my characters will help me figure out these thoughts. Maybe that is the world that this complex mind of mine needs to be in for a little while.

Ah, yes. There it is. A smile.

Peace Y’all

B

Nican Robinson Photography © 2009

www.nicanrobinson.com 

Posted by Brandelyn at 09:21 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Definition (For NDJ3)

Who am I?
The answer remains to be seen
Titles
Labels
Definitions of fear
Created to calm the questions in your head
Not mine
My mind is free
Clear
Happy to simply be
Every movement analyzed
Every step calculated and recreated
You watch while I move

Dance, sing, write

Waving my arms like magic wands
Leaving clues like breadcrumbs
Of how to recreate me

Laughing

Watching
As you stand still
With your lips parted

Grasping at unknown questions

Dangling from your limitations
While I smile
Bobbing my head to the beat of my drum
You see me
You watch
You listen

You question

You dream
While I slip past you

Waving my arms

Spinning past your dreams
And smile

While you figure out

The definition of me

 © 2009 Brandelyn N. Castine

Posted by Brandelyn at 02:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

I think the bottom half of bagels is the best part. I always have. It’s gets crispier in the toaster and always manages to toast all the way through, making it perfect.

I think I am my most sexy when I’m wearing hats. Something about the brim being cocked over one of my eyes makes me feel fly.

I think it’s sexy when men were bracelets.

I think Jill Scott needs to step back into the limelight. I need her. 

I think life is more interesting when we take breaks from technology. When we turn off our cell phones and have an actual face to face conversation with someone and if we turn off our ipods and actually listen to the world as we walk or travel, we can learn a lot more.

I think Starbucks coffee is addictive and is slowly becoming my vice. If only the guy who works at my independent coffee shop didn’t develop a crush and become a stalker…

I think natural beauty should be celebrated.

I think more people should follow their passions instead of doing what they think will make them more money. Having what you need to survive is important, but what good is life if you are miserable living it?

I think the Daily love is absolutely right: People treat you the way you teach them to. Don't blame them, train them with love, compassion and self-esteem! I just wish it were that easy sometimes.

I think people are going to be interested to meet the new Brandelyn.

I think music is a powerful weapon. It always amazes me how you can be in a bad mood, headache, backache all of it, but let YOUR song come on, it all just goes away.

I think resolutions are pointless, but I am implementing some life changes now. Not about working out, or eating better, or any of that. My changes are going to happen emotionally. I think because I am so loyal and so dependable that often people think that my feelings don’t need to be considered, but those days are over. I am no longer changing my plans or intentions for anyone else. And I am taking off my name tag that says Plan B. No mas. It’s going to be about me now, and I’m looking forward to the change. I am truly marching to the beat of my drum and I am moving forward.

I think that my new way of thinking is going to be a beautiful thing for my art.

I think STAYcations are the way to go. Forget traveling and airports and spending money on little trinkets. I plan on camping out in Oakland for my vacation. Spend time in museums, coffee shops, and of course, right at my kitchen table at my laptop. This vacation…ahem…excuse me…STAYcation is the kick off to the new me. I’m also reading 100 years of solitude. Message. LOL!

I think the week between Christmas and New Years is my favorite. It is always quiet, peaceful, reflective and productive. This will be my incubation time. I am excited. Yes. I am very excited indeed.

Peace Y’all

B

Photo Credit: http://www.boston.com/community/photos/raw/monthly_contest/

Posted by Brandelyn at 11:16 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

No longer living in the land of grass is greener

The sparkling emerald green on my side is just fine

No longer wishing for a moment that was never meant to be

The right now moments of this solitude are filling me up

With more than I can chew

No need to wait

Satisfied enough to settle into the easiness of these moments

Turn down the hope

And turn up the acceptance

Sucking on the moments of this fresh new day

Allowing my eyes to focus instead of zoom

Allow my ears to capture this perfect gentle tune

That what I am

As I stand today

Is exactly who I was meant to be

The limited original fantasies

Have melted in to me

Full

Happy

Thick

Free

Gazing around at the lushness of my grass

Allowing my fingers to brush up against it

As the soft prickles of the tips play against my cheek

Its okay

Everything is as it should be and it’s alright with me

I can take off my shoes

Let the coolness run between my toes

And smile

Because the gently prickly softness of the perfectly dazzling Emerald Green

Is suddenly

All

And exactly

What I need…

© 2009 Brandelyn N. Castine

Photo Credit http://www.cambridgema.gov/TheWorks/departments/recycle/images/grass.jpg

Posted by Brandelyn at 04:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I want to write

Not about the moon and the stars

The soul and the taste of fresh strawberry kisses

Actually I kind of like the taste of fresh strawberry kisses

But I want to write

About the moments in between the good times

The tears that come from the inability to breathe through the laughter

The candle lit, open window, clean house breezy goodness of our days

The glance that insights questions and gives you the shakes

The way you felt the first time you heard that song that became your anthem

I want to write about the opposites that create hot and cold

Dark and light

Wrong and right

And that exact second where everything simply meets up in the middle

Yes that is where I dwell

In the land where there is no such thing as dreaming

Where color seeps out of every surface

Thoughts flow through lines of poetry

And love is divided freely

I want to write

Capture the images my mind creates

Take long baths in roses, milk and honey

Humming melodies in the quiet perfection

While sitting still in the middle of the day

And find a way to stay there

Return back to this world I have created

With nothing more than the tip of my pen

Yes

I want to write

Basking in the freedom of this quiet perfect solitude

© 2009 Brandelyn N. Castine

Artwork Credit: http://www.redsticker.net/shop/images/Burnt%20Orange%20Flower1.jpg

Posted by Brandelyn at 12:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

It slows down enough for me to glance at the inside

Becomes close enough to graze the tips of my fingers

Slides in near enough to smell

And lingers near enough to taste

Becomes heavy enough to stretch itself across my mind

And take me there

But

I can’t

Because the dream is not mine to have

And the moments are not mine to share

The scent of the conversation is laced with the whispers of someone else

So I will sit here

Focus my fantasies on the right now realities and breathe away your scent

But

I can’t

Because I can hear you beckoning

Calling me closer

Waiting for more

© 2009 Brandelyn N. Castine

Artwork Credit: http://vanillapuddle.livejournal.com/

Posted by Brandelyn at 10:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Today i am immune to negativity

Immune to the concept that laughter is a foriegn language

And joy can only be shaken forward through a forbidden tongue

Today i embrace the wind And the fragrance captured in the leaves

And The orange tanginess of lemondrops

And the moments smokey with soft kisses and stolen glances

Today i embrace the questions

And challenge the doubts

My head aches from overthinking the lines and rhythms and confines of this poem

Keeping me tucked away from the issues and shades of gray

Today overthinking is a mystery

And My hips are exactly the shape and size they should be

Because today, finally, i am walking in the fullness and liberty of joy

Yes today is my day

And i choose to believe

That i can fight and wrestle for my sunshine

And win

That i can catch it with both hands

Slide it into a quiet place

And sing sweet soft lullabys

Reminding it that happiness is ours

And we can play in this world we have created

For as long as we choose

Because in the land of today

The hands of the clock rest on satisfied and content

The breezes taste like cinnamon

And we lay here

Silently basking in this feeling that goodness is real

And moment that is being strung together

Will be captured on a canvas

Colors melting into the definition of

Today

Artwork Credit: http://vanillapuddle.livejournal.com/

Posted by Brandelyn at 03:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Quiet encases my thoughts in the midnight of this morning

My minds eye searches for the moments she created

The footprints she left behind as clues to the path where i can find her

I remember her hair

How it always smelled like coconuts, flowers and green tea

And her skin always radiated the glow that came from somewhere that lay hidden behind those sleepy eyes of hers

Her laughter was like an instant cure to the various shades of blue that tried to swirl themselves into a knot and block out the heaviness of melted sunshine

I miss the way her eyes would glaze over making me itch to dive in behind them and stand in the center of the swirling tornado of thoughts

Her poems always made me think and remember and relish the taste of love

Her songs would make me pause and fall into the beauty of the world outside my window

I miss her

The stream of color that seemed to float behind the imprint of her feet

The way her scent would linger leaving traces of her energy wherever the breeze blew

I can see her

Waving at me through the plate glass of her factory

Churning out the remnants of her legacy to the beat of temptations and the penetrating scent of cinnamon and coffee grinds

I watch her from a distance

Enveloped in the colorful silence of her world

I watch her and whisper out

I love you

For whatever it is worth

And for whatever that means

And as i stuff my hands into my pocket

Turn and melt into the cold dreariness of my day

I suddenly realize the contents of my mission

Somehow for the sake of the good around me

I must find a way to get back to her

© 2009 Brandelyn N. Castine

Image Credit: https://anitagrant.com/images/stories/newsletter/BackOfHead_Afro.jpg

Posted by Brandelyn at 09:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

In spite of myself

I had to find freedom from the voices

Whispers meant to attach lies to cover truth

Glances designed to confirm a vision long since glazed over and hazy

My tears have filled rivers

And dried up streams

Mountains climbed in solitude

Screams trapped inside my throat

 I thought my team was filled with more players

But my eyes blinked and I realized it has always been

Minus you

A space filled with an illusion of your presence

Now the space has slowly made room

For me

Gaps filled in

And holes lined with strong bold lines of truth

There is a freedom here

Finally

A freedom filled to the brim with security

That someone who is honest

Dedicated

Respectful of my character

And appreciative of my dreams

Finally

There is my freedom

Steady in its search to find its place

 In simply

Wholly

Completely

And decisively

Me

© 2009 Brandelyn N. Castine 

Photo Credit:

Posted by Brandelyn at 07:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

I am an artist caught inside of this swirling world of mine. Walls padded with colors and soft melodies of sunrise. Struggling daily to free myself of the typical fixations blown on me by the breath of misunderstandings so I dance with motions that flow through every portion of my soul and the melodies stretch out and cover me blocking out the doubt and replacing it with daydreams that prevent me from forgetting the absence of forgiveness. Pain is my inspiration and questions become the final answer and solace can only be found in creation and this is why i breath out color, drink in soundwaves and float in the quiet of my solitude and the motions sing me a quiet lullaby reminding me that i am happy here in the quiet storm of my consciousness...yes...this is my identity. A beam of sunlight floating, dancing, singing the construction of my dreams, humming simple day dreams willing the mystery to climb down in between the blanket of my identity.

© 2009 Brandelyn N. Castine 

Image Credit: Creativecommons.org

Posted by Brandelyn at 03:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

 

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Artwork credit : http://steinunn.wordpress.com/2009/04/25/an-introspective-evening/

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Posted by Brandelyn at 09:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Oprah inspired me once again and I wanted to create a blog about my favorite things. I am going to try some new things here with pictures and links...so...ahem...lets see how this works. I present (in no particular order)...

Brandelyn's Favorite things...

For Spiritual Inspiration:

Joyce Meyer's Everyday Life Bible

Seriously, with all of the insights and one second prayers, this book has definitely stepped my game up! And of course I couple this with

 Solo A devotional by Eugene Peterson:

This book...Is ridiculous...Utterly amazing devotion and there are no dates on it, just days, so you don't feel all pressured if you miss a day. Spoken from experience of course. LOL!!

 Brandelyn's Grooming Habits

Now, if you know me even a little bit you know I have an obsession with Carols Daughter. 

Carol's Daughter is like an answered prayer for me and has definitely helped me increase my swagger! I love it!!

My favorite products are:

Black Vanilla Hair Collection

Love Butter

Tui Hair Oil

Jamaican Punch Collection 

Sephora also carries their products if you want to go in and smell for yourself, but Carol's Daughter can do no real wrong in my eyes and I am a lifelong customer! 

My other obsession is with a company called LUSH. LUSH is all natural products for the entire body!

My favorite thing is the Soft Coeur Massage Bar. Made with Cocoa butter and chocolate, this adds just a hint of goodness to your everyday life. I love it!!

Their Bath Bombs are life changing!! My personal favorite is the Mr. Butterball bath bomb.

This bath bomb leaves your entire house smelling like cocoa butter and vanilla and your skin feeling like soft silk. Amazing!!! Love it!!!!

SWEETS:

Now y'all know I have a mean sweet tooth. My favorite thing in the world is (Now) red Velvet Cake. God knows my heart and gave me the gift of Marita's Sweet Potato Pie Shop home of the world's greatest Red Velvet Cake. Their cupcakes are a mere $2.50 and are worth every single penny. Amazingness... Shout out to Marita.

WEBSITES AND BLOGS:

The Young Writers Block: This is an amazing meeting of the minds that I am so excited to participate in! Good stuff!!

Alice Walker's Blog: Nuff Said

Be Leather: Keeps me up to date on current events, music, celebrities and fashion, while maintaining a high standard of fabulousness! I love this site! 

Noah David James: Thoughts, Poems, paintings, and insights from an emerging artist. This man is the one to watch. 

 Journal of a Sojourner: The blog of one of my favorite poets and fellow classmate. This man is amazing!!

 Medicine for Melancholy: this is a blog i discovered through Twitter. I love the rawness and honesty of it all. Awesome.

For All My Lovely Curvy Ladies: 

Old Navy's Plus Size section is where its at. Unfortunately its only online, but once you discover your size, and read through the reviews which are extremely helpful, your style will increase without breaking your budget in no time. Fantastic times!!

I just bought a beautiful coat that I vow to wear as often as possible! LOL!

Yes, Old Navy gets major points with me! 

Periodicals: 

I know this is cliche... but Oprah's magazine is amazing! Like my good friend and Editor Elosi says, "Every time I read this I feel like a new woman!" Touche my friend Touche.

 I could go on and on about my favorite things but I can't give away all of my secrets!! I hope you enjoy!!

Peace Y'all
B

Posted by Brandelyn at 03:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Old School Movie Nights!

Four Roommates!

Revolution...

Yay!!

Hey Girl...

Me and my ROSA Boo's!

WHOOO!!! is that!! My ROSA's T and Angel

RRROSA!!! WHOOOOO!!! Now can you stop banging on me?!!! I had to commit photo theviery to get this!!

Posted by Brandelyn at 03:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)