Brandelyn: Lyrical Contradiction

The Anti-resolution

I have never been a fan of resolutions. I have always felt that they put unnecessary pressure on you and added guilt which is totally unnecessary. So I want to write about things that I did right in 2009 that I want to continue and enhance in 2010.

1. My mission for self discovery: I have learned so much about myself as a woman and most importantly as an artist. I have come to acknowledge that I am truly an artist, for whatever that is worth. So I am going to continue to explore, examine and appreciate all of my emotions, questions, confusions, doubts and translate them into art. I will continue to embrace whatever I am feeling and allow that to become something tangible that will one day become my legacy.
2. Appreciating my inner and outer beauty: I feel like I have gotten the upper hand with the low self esteem demon and have learned to accept and appreciate myself for who and what I am and for what I look like. I have come to accept and appreciate my size, my curves, my hair, my lips, my eyes, my ankles, all of the things I used to get teased and talked about, now, I love them. I love all of the things about me that make me unique and every moment I have to glow in my skin. I like me, and I am going to continue to love and appreciate who I am.
3. Relationship building: I have been blessed with some amazing people/family. Discovering new relatives that push and encourage, motivate, inspire and challenge who I am. People who won’t accept my habit of running for cover when things get bad or scary, who will chase me down when I try to hide and get in my face until I finally break down and talk about what’s really going on. People who care. My uncle called me his daughter in front of a room full of people during thanksgiving and I started to cry because that was the first time I have ever heard a man call me that. I love him for that and I am grateful that I got the chance to tell him that. I have friends that keep me balanced and make me laugh until I cry. I will continue to make the changes in me that will allow me to continue to grow and appreciate those relationships.
4. Artistic development: I remember the day I told my friend that I was not a poet and I could never write a poem. Ever. I remember the semester I took an art class at my community college for my art requirement and I almost failed because quite honestly, I was terrible at it. I remember the day I almost left UC Berkeley because I was told that I did not have the writing skill necessary to graduate from Cal with a degree in English and I needed to find a new major. I have learned how to reject the ideas and standards of people who simply don’t get it. Thank God I did! I never would have discovered my life’s purpose, my dream, my hope, my reason for getting up every morning if I had listened to people who were unsatisfied with their lives. I have learned to think for myself. To surround myself with like minded individuals who breathe color and creativity. I take criticism for what is, take what I need, leave behind what I don’t and keep moving from there. I will continue to grow, live and breathe, for me.

I think the bottom line is that in 2010, I promise to continue using what works, move away from the situations, relationships and circumstances that didn’t. I promise to be okay with who I am and what I am about. I promise to laugh more and bask in the dark blue times and write, paint, sing, or dance my way out of it. I will continue to allow artists like Alice Walker, Paulo Coehlo, Georgia Anne Muldrow, Rahsaan Patterson, Adele, Alvin Ailey, Noah D. James, Justin Sharlman, Frida Kahlo, And Nican Robinson to continue to inspire me. There is so much beauty in the world and I promise in 2010 to live. To move forward with my eyes wide open and regain my consciousness. I am excited about the things to come. I love the promise of a new year, a fresh start. So I will continue down the path I have been on, and keep my eyes open for new avenues to travel down. Happy New Year every one. Let’s make this one even more beautiful then the past.

Peace Y’all

B