Brandelyn: Lyrical Contradiction

Nice

Your lips grazed the bareness of my shoulder
Replacing the moisture the sun sucked away
I turned my head slightly
Pausing from the poem i was writing
About you
To show you the corner of my smile
Purposely stroking your ego
To let you know i am pleased
To have you near me

© 2010 Brandelyn N. Castine

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Not so Nice

List # 3: In Search of Sanity  1/28/09

1. Sometimes I have to sit outside to remember that life is worth living.
2. It’s cold outside today
1. I’d rather be outside, breathing, surrounded by life
2. Than inside and wondering what the purpose of life is
3. Not suicidal: Calm Down. -_-
3. I run from things I feel are unnecessarily difficult. And not worth fixing.
4. Lord. I need a smile today. A familiar face. Not even familiar. I need to see the face of someone who loves me.
5. Me.
6. Who is that?
7. For a brief time I thought I’d met her. I thought we had finally met face to face and I had convinced myself that I like her. Wanted to be close to her. But she never sticks around long enough for me to touch her and see if she is real
8. I suddenly feel exposed and unsafe. Like my light shield is down and I am a target for the blows of the enemy
9. I feel them. Each and every shot
10. maybe that’s why I am so drained. All of my blood is gone. Dripped out of my body and not there is only skin and bone left
11. maybe this is who I really am. A moody, broody girl who is searching honestly, and authentically for a reason to smile
12. Sidebar: Black men are overwhelmingly beautiful to me. I wonder if they know that. How beautiful they are.
13. *Turns the mirror to self: Do you see how beautiful YOU are?
14. I feel like a hypocrite. Fake. Unable to let the truth hang out and dangle freely
1. I just posted a bunch of love poems on facebook
2. Dedicated to someone who isn’t mine and to someone who never was
3. Wondering if people will read them

                                                               i.      Poetry Break: I fell asleep on a pile of papers

Balled up nuances that tried

And failed

To accurately describe you

And found the words in my dreams

                                                             ii.      See? I don’t know where it comes from

1. I write anyway because really its for me and it is a large key to my sanity *bright light on a cloudy day
1. I’m really cold
2. Feeling Invisible
3. I think I have been alone too long. I haven’t spent quality time, hours of conversations laughter, hugs, tears, face to face time with someone I love in a long time
4. Too cold to sleep now. My bones have frozen. Wish I still had blood inside of me to keep me warm.
5. this is me: today.
6. tomorrow will be better