List #8 Transparency: Look but don't touch
- Proceed with caution although it is probably best if you just stop altogether because you honestly have no idea what you are getting yourself in to, you have been warned.
- My heart has more surveillance and protection than the Faberge egg and even when you think you gotten close enough to touch it the invisible electric field surrounding will shock you enough to read the signs, 'look but don’t touch.'
- I am complex.
- Long winded
- frustrating
- Moody
- Hypersensitive
- An artist in every good bad and ugly sense of the word
- I’m sure you have heard this a lot from women who are trying to present themselves as having some shallow and misty air of mystery but with me it goes without saying. But since a lot of people don’t pay attention to the details, I figured I should just say it out loud one time
- Take a moment and think about what drew you in, in the first place.
- I explain myself through poetry, work out my issues in the pages of the journal that i painted myself because i had to have a place to keep my thoughts that is a colorful and special as i am.
- I sing the entire Jill Scott catalogue as a way of easing my pain and I laugh until I cry over the silliest thing, just because it feels so damn good.
- I recognize my power although you will never hear me admit it out loud.
- I see it.
- I know you see it too.
- However I will silently swallow back the knowledge and watch you wonder why you want me around you the way you do.
- I like to collect my thoughts in the net of my pen, watch them flutter around the page until they settle, waiting for me to release them like caged butterflies when the time is right.
- I am thirsty for conversation that is not shallow, or laced with sexual undertones, or about church or that are weighed down with a need to impress me because you know that I am a writer, and a poet and you always feel the need to say something profound, when in all honesty I am probably thinking about that episode of Glee or Modern Family that had me cracking up last week and then our interactions just melts into something uninteresting and fake.
- I am aching to be held, for a long time, just for the sheer desire to make ME feel better by someone who wants to be close to ME. The real me. The slight irrational, moody, emotionally suppressed, laughing, crying, writing, dreaming, ME.
- I want to be selfish and not feel bad about it.
- I want to slide into my moody broody place and be comfortable there without making calls or sending emails letting people know I will be gone.
- I want to stop caring so much.
- “I’ve told you, you always seem to get involved with impossible women-whores, nymphomaniacs, drunks-and I think you do it in order to protect yourself-from anything serious. Permanent.”
- “I’ve told you, Brandelyn, you always get involved with impossible men-sexually confused, attached, complicated, long distance, whores, controlling, insecure, drunks-and I think you do it in order to protect yourself-from anything serious. Permanent.”
- James Baldwin scares me and inspires me at the same time.
- I am realizing that my Christianity and my Relationship with God are two separate things.
- There was a time, not so long ago when I would have been deathly afraid to say that, to type that, to post that on my blog for everyone to see.
- It’s not like you are hot then cold. You remain steadily warm like a fever that isn’t quite dangerous, but keeps you home for the day. You whisper to me, but I hear you loud a clear. Screaming and dancing your wishes into the air that surrounds us and I catch them, hold them in my hands and blow on them until they cool fresh in my ear I hear you deep into the night slipping into sleep with the sensation of your breath snaking its way down my back
- All I want to do today is sit outside and read until I get too sleepy to continue
- I am no longer available for flirtation. Say what you want, use real words with real feelings behind them and then and only then can we move forward. Thank you and good day.
- “It's 7 o'clock in the a.m.
In 15 minutes this alarm will be ringing
At work,no one will feel my pain
It's a shame the way this whole thing changed” - I feel you Jill. Oh how do I feel you.
Comments
=)
this is beautiful.
Sending a huge huge wet zurbert kiss your way... (you bet not wipe it off..)
Oh and James Baldwin..
his book went out of my window yesterday...
(sigh)
Posted by: The amazing Noah | February 18, 2010 12:34 PM
LOVE, it to Infinity and BEYOND!!!
=D
Posted by: LaShay Clifton | February 19, 2010 11:32 AM
Wow...that was deep...love it. You have those words just jumping off the screen.
Posted by: Kandia | February 28, 2010 07:22 AM