Just Words, Just Me
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April 27, 2010
Be Easy...
I made a couple of decision this morning as I sat in my window drinking tea and watching the rain fall. Sure, I had already overslept and was definitely going to be late for work, but I figured, I might as well enjoy the moment instead of stressing out. So, as I sat there, watching the rain, sipping my peach tea, I realized that the time had come for Brandelyn to reemerge. So, faithful readers, I present to you my new and improved plan of action.
1. I am going to start painting again. I just placed an order of journals and I’m going to head to my favorite art store and get a few canvases just to get it flowing. My goal is to create some pieces to donate for an upcoming event. I have realized that if I have a goal in mind, then I am a lot more productive. And I have been slacking on a few orders for journals, so now is the time to make amends. I brought my sketchpad and famous Lakers pencil bag to work and during my break, I am going to start flushing out ideas. I’m very, very excited.
2. I started working out again, but this time I am doing it with a different mentality. Instead of stressing myself out about losing weight and feeling totally defeated and discouraged when I don’t work out or if it starts raining and totally messing up my plan, now I am working out for the simple reason that it feels good. It is a genuine stress reliever and it prompts me to start my day off right with prayer and breakfast. Two things I don’t visit frequently enough.
3. Unfortunately, or fortunately, simply put, I had to cut some people off. Yes, I had to trim my branches so I can grow. I found this time that it wasn’t difficult. I have discovered that I am deathly allergic to negativity, whether it is directed at me specifically or not and I am making conscious efforts to surround myself with people who know the importance of speaking life. I can’t hang with folks who are dissatisfied with their life and refuse to do anything about it but complain. I can’t hang with folks whose sole purpose is to stunt my growth. I can’t hang with folks who are not comfortable with their own identity and cannot handle my light. I need to be around people who are excited about their potential and are willing to work toward it. I need breathing space. You can’t breathe and grow around weeds so I had to clean out my garden so I can enjoy it.
I think the bottom line is that I am ready to live, be free, enjoy life, seek my path and follow it. I am learning to enjoy the bumps in the road because once I get over it, I have learned something brand new. I’ve been quiet lately, just spending time with one or two people who are uplifting. It’s been feeding my soul and I need that. So all and all, I am in a very good space. I am excited about the possibilities and ready to start over, fresh, new. Suddenly I have to be protective of myself, my feelings, my joy. They are too big to tuck away inside of me, they have to shine free, but now it’s important for me to figure out the best method for me to let it all hang out. I’m excited and I am calm. Calm because I know I am making the right choices and I am doing what I have to do in order to achieve my goals. The folks who don’t understand weren’t meant to, and that is what it’s about. =D
Peace Y’all
B
Photo Credit:
April 21, 2010
Leaves
Today i am choosing to stand tall, protected, covered, aware, dry, happy and free underneath the protective cover of these leaves. The storm is blowing wild and angrily but the ground underneath my feet is dry. My hands are free from extra protective covering leaving my mind and eyes free to soak in the gray fluffy beauty of the sky, its quiet here. Bodies bustle past, anxious to find shelter unable to pause, breathe, reflect and sing, soaking in the moments, yes i think I'll rest here, under the protection of these leaves, allowing myself a moment to seek the center of my happiness, the comfort of my soul. These leaves will keep me hidden, comfortable, safe and quiet. Yes. This is exactly where i need, want and desire to be.
Someone please. Hide me.
Photo Credit:
April 19, 2010
My Light/Your light...Shine on
I fell
Slipped
Tripped
Landed
Into my own arms
Melted into my own embrace
Resting safely
In the first place I could find that was simply enough to carry the wieght
Of all that I am
All that is me
Finally I understand how important it is
And what it truly means
To fall in love
With me
I recently learned a very important lesson. There have been a lot of changes going on in my world and I have had to learn how to deal with the voices. I have seen that whenever you move into something new, when you get a new job, or have a positive move in your career, or you join an organization, or you get a new car, a new house, or whatever it is, there is always going to be someone around who wants to throw water on your fire. There is always going to be someone who wants to try to break you down and make you feel bad for whatever reason, most likely jealousy, but that is a whole other story. It is so sad that people feel the need to do this, but on the other hand, it is so necessary because it taught me how to simply shut out the voices.
Anyone who knows me, knows how sensitive I am. They know that I will spend hours mulling over a word or a comment or a look, trying to figure out what I did wrong. Sometimes things are justified but sometimes people are blinding by the light in you and want to try to black it out. I have had to learn to simply not let that happen. I have to take the fact that folks spend time sitting around talking about me and what I’m doing as a compliment. I have to rest in the promises that God has given me and know that with that comes a lot of challenges. I also have to rest in the fact that God has given me the strength to deal with all of those challenges.
I am daily realizing my worth. It is not in my talents, or my bank account, or my status, but it is simply in the fact that God created me, and He created me to look, feel, think, create, dream, laugh, dance, sing exactly as He envisioned. That is enough for me. Even as I am writing this I am getting encouraged because God is whispering to me that He loves me. He loves me. He loves me. And that is all that matters.
So let people talk. Let them say what they want to say. Acknowledge how you feel about it and then move on. It is important to have people say and do negative things to and about you because it makes you appreciate those who love and support you all the more. Keep your focus on God’s promises. Hide the word in your heart and remember that God will set the table for you in the presence of your enemies. You are special, fearfully and wonderfully made and that is something that should be celebrated. Rejoice in the fact that people can’t handle your light and enjoy the fact that people who love you will throw on a pair of sunglasses and get right in step with you.
Life is too amazing, too beautiful, too precious to be wasted on negativity. If you aren’t happy with something or someone in your life, you have the power to make all of the changes you need to make. My thing lately is to LIVE! I know that that sounds simple, but we forget to do it. We forget to smile, laugh, enjoy the breeze, sit in the sun, read a book, give a hug, call someone and tell them that you love them, we forget to live.
I keep hearing in church that ten is a number of completion. That this is the year that God is going to close all of the loops and holes and bring all of the things you have been waiting for to light. I can say first hand that that is the absolute truth. I never ever thought that my dream of becoming a Delta would ever come true, but guess what… OO-OOP. God brought it to fruition in His timing and it was perfect timing and I love the women I came in with and under. God gave me promises about my writing career and as I sit here waiting for confirmation from nationally syndicated shows who want to interview me about U.G.L.Y. I KNOW that God is in the mix. I am settling into my light. I refuse to hide it, I refuse to run from it. I refuse to be ashamed of it. God created me to be all that I am, so I am going to rest in that.
Be who you are! Let people talk!! Walk in your light!!! And know that you are an original and worthy of all the talk! I am swallowing these words too! Please believe that!!
Peace Y’all
B
Doorways
The door between us never actually closed
You placed your foot in the space preventing me from being seperated from the rest of the world
No matter how hard I pushed
You pushed harder
Carving out a space custom designed to fit all of you
Recreating the definition of my world
With my eyes closed and a blind eye turned inside out you have become my world
Slow dancing your laughter into the smoke laced outline of my heart
Burnt, crispy, hurt
By the keeper
Who struck a match leaving my world inflamed
But the smoke cleared
Revealing the charred edges of my song
And you, willingly picked up the melody
Remixed the sound to match all that is you
Leaving me here
Bobbing my head to the rhythm of this sound
Hello smile
Its good to see you again
Its been a while
I used to rush past you
Until I realized
That I actually liked to being in your space
And the fresh air from the breeze coming through that door frame feels good on my face
So I'll stop pushing
Sit back and leave the door open
Crack it just enough for you to see the light pouring through
Wide enough for you to enter
And share my world
Photo Credit: http://doorwaysaroundtheworld.files.wordpress.com/2006/08/pune-india.jpg
