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May 16, 2010

The Process

My Youth Pastor is always talking about the process. Most times people look at the finished product of something and a lot of times, the actual 'process' is rarely thought about. I have been going through an emotional reconstruction of sorts and the best way I can explain it is through the painting I just finished. I have realized that painting, writing, museums, being outside and people watching, anything that is creative is my therapy. Whenever I get wound up, start getting migraines, feel my body begin to get stuff and tighten up, I know that it is because I have not tapped in to my creative lifeline. I decided that I was going to turn off my phone, open my windows, turn up my super chill playlist and simply create. My head has been swirling lately with all the things that are going on. Big, major things that have caused my body to get tense, the migraines to become consistent and my cravings for coffee to increase greatly, but that is another story in itself.

 

Step one...Protection and preparation...

 

 

Just like me...the canvas needs to be prepared for everything that is coming to it. It needs a coat of protection in order to be ready. In my life, that coat of protection comes from my morning devotional time. 

 

 

Each time I read the Word of God, I get a little bit stronger. The word I get every morning is just like the Gesso I put on the canvas. It washes over me and coats me, protecting me, preparing me. And most importantly, it is necessary. I need the protection to get through the day...Lord knows I need that protection. 

The next step is sketching the idea in the sketchbook. 

 

 

 Just like with my dreams, and the promises that God has given me, I have a vision of what I think it will turn out to be like. So I write them down, watch them play out in my dreams at night and get excited, but I know that what I envision is literally NOTHING on what God has for me. I'm just sayin...

Now that the canvas is coated, prepared and ready, Its now time to take the idea from the sketchbook and transfer it on to the canvas... 

 

 

At this point, the changes in the vision become clear, but it is still close enough to what I envisioned for me to recognize that this is still a part of the plan. I can feel safe with this. I feel ready. The awesome things is that you may not be able to fully see the vision, but you know its there...

The tools...

 

 

God has already given me everything I need to do what He has called me to do. All I need to remember is that I have them. And I can use them. I have them. 

 

The Vision become clear...er... 

 

 Once I have allowed myself to open up to the process, things begin coming more clear. Once I force myself to be quiet, stop asking questions, and simply allow God to use me, I start to see who and what God created me to be.

 

Switch it up...

 

 

 God has blessed us all with multiple gifts and talents. In order to accomplish what He needs to do in us, there will be plenty of times when He requires that we switch it up. So just like this painting, it started out with Acrylic paint, but it was necessary to switch to watercolor, to get the right affect. The key is to listen and obey God when He tells us to make the change. And even after that we still have to make more changes...(note the orange in the painting)

 

The thing is, God has something amazing planned for each of us. We can choose to tap into that or not. I have always been a dreamer, a BIG dreamer. I don't know what the finished product will look like. I know the vision I have, but I have learned to trust God and trust the process. 10 times out of 10, the way I think something is going to turn out...

 

 

 

(see any orange?) The way something starts is rarely how it finishes. We just have to trust God, trust in the process and know that no matter what, it will turn out to be beautiful in the end... 

 

Peace Y'all

B

 

 

May 11, 2010

Remarkable

I am learning
I am learning how to make myself feel remarkable
To hug my own curvy sides
Soak in my own swirling scents
And smile
To laugh at my own jokes
And breathe in my own poems
To look at my own reflection
And say
With my own lips
The words
Brandelyn, you are beautiful
I'm learning to define my own freedom
And create my own song
To bottle up my own tears
And hum, dance, jig, create, breathe
to the rhythm of my own drum
I am learning to write the pages of my very own dictionary
Fly: (adj) Me
Creative: (adj) Me
Intelligent: (adj) Me
Capable: (adj) Me
Funny: (adj) Me
Vibrant: (adj) Me
Beautiful: (adj) Me
Remarkable: (adj) Brandelyn Nicole Castine
I am learning to use my own words as bricks
That will create a staircase just for me
That will allow me to climb above the nasty
The doubtful
The hurtful
The shiftless
The intimidated
The unavailable and weak
Until I am high enough to reach the clouds
Find the fluffiest one with the best view
Settle myself in
Lean back
And enjoy the company
Of Me
© 2010 Brandelyn N. Castine

 

 

Photo Credit: www.transportcafe.co.uk/wallpaper_desktop_computer_bg/4000ft_over_england.jpg

May 10, 2010

All I needed

I used to think I needed the attention

To see smiles and eyes beaming with pride

To hear the loud thunder of applause

To feel the heat of the lights beaming down on my face

And to hear the words

Great job

Well done

Thank you for all that you do

I need you

 

I used to breathe for it

Jump up and dance and scream for it

Flail my arms

Kick my feet

Comb my hair out wide enough to snatch attention

Wear my heels high enough for them to see my swag

Dip myself in honey oil and expensive jewels

Just so I could sparkle and shine

And get caught in the light of their eyes for it

 

But the curtain has closed

And the lights have dimmed

The sounds of glory have faded and it’s just me

Suddenly aware of exactly what that means

 

I used to crave the attention

Thought that I needed the noise

Thought that I needed the acknowledgement

The fans

The waves

The smiles

The hugs

Thought I couldn’t make it out here alone

Thought I needed the support of man to help me move on

Thought I was right

Didn’t realize how much I was wrong

 

When I finally allowed the quiet

To settle in and rest

I finally discovered

That the only thing I ever truly needed

Was plain and simply

God

© 2010 Brandelyn N. Castine

 

 

 

 

 Photo Credit: http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:CdVNlWZ19aPWlM:http://www.upliftantidote.co.uk/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/hug.JPG


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