I prayed
I prayed toward the moon
Hoping that the distance would be far enough away
to take this away
and for once leave a hole
instead of trying to find ways to fill this empty space
I'm simply searching for my escape
If I had one wish today
It would be to turn off these emotions that are so vital to my being
The heart and soul of my creativity
Today I want to simply be
Turn off this sensation that keeps my eyes aware of the constant presence of selfish tears
I prayed to leave here
Walk past this portion of my destiny, turn my head and ignore it
like I did that homeless man on the street
To smell chlorine, or maybe even bleach
Any kind of substance that will wipe my essence clean
I'm tired of looking and feeling and being mean
But not as much as I have enjoyed it lately
I wonder when I will stop hearing my Nana's voice every time I get the urge to cuss
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
The world I'm in right now is simply too much
I prayed for trust
Prayed for that moment in time when that thing that I've been saving myself for
Working so hard toward
Claiming to have faith for
Searching far and wide through the distance for
Begins to shine
And I'll relax and know that all of this
Wasn't in vain
I want to pray
Release these words to the heavens to the only one who can actually fix things
Kiss the wounds and make it better
The one who was clever enough to think I was strong enough to handle this mess
But I don't think I am
Sometimes I do honestly and sincerely wish all of this would just come to an end
So I could finally look God in the face and ask why
What was the point
And why was everything so hard
Because down here
We are told to keep quiet
Not to get mad
Just be silent, keep smiling, Take it and pray
That's all I was taught to do anyway
But the moon was too far to catch the trails of these fears
And God didn't pick up the phone
So who can I talk to
That will grant me my wishes
And allow me to once again
Appreciate the breeze and look up to send kisses
And not fades wishes
to the moon
© 2010 Brandelyn N. Castine
